"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
