I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
