Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
