Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this boner is exhausting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
