i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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