Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
