I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish you could order shots online.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
