just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
