R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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