Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just google imaged poop.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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