I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
