Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize