I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
