Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
