and she was petting her beer can
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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