i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
