so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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