I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
