THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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