Cold hands, warm shart.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
