literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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