At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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