im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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