and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
