I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
