I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
