I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
