it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
