I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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