Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
