The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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