I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
