so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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