Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
