the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
