I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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