It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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