So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
