Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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