i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize