Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
