You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
