i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
