He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
