Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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