69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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