Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
