His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
