update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
