Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
