When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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