I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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