I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
