i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
COCAINE IS GR8
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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