I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
