im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize