peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
