i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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