i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
