LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
