So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
