sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
