I only kidnapped one of them. chill
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
