The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
