What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
