just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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