This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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