hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My penis needs a shock collar
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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