Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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