The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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