Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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