Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
