That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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