Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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