im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The Olympian is in my bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
