How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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