Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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