the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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