ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
