I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
