Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize