I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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