guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
