How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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