I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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