ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize