I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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