It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
