Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
