the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
