Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i think my cat just said my name.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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