dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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