I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
