I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
