Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize